I really did
Appreciate it
When you carried
My books that day
After
Class,
Even though
I had
A million pounds
Worth of
Books to
Carry.

9/25/10 11:36 am, 16 years old

My pens running out of ink. I watched this movie earlier about how the drinking water was infected with a virus that ate the flesh. There was no cure. Sometimes I wonder about these things. My dad yelled at me because I didn't close the door when I blow dried my hair. Told me to have a little compassion for the other people in the house. But it's my new DVD he's watching and Jenaes watching, instead of doing her homework. And I feel like I shouldn't feel guilty about spending my money. I want to get out of here. Zack says that even if you're different, there are still 6,000 other people like you. I'd like to meet them. I'm sure they'd like to meet me. Or maybe they wouldn't. It's hard to tell with these things. Sometimes I think about how nervous I get when I sing and sometimes about how even teachers say I'm terrible. And sometimes I wonder if there really is a flesh eating disease. Except it's not in the water. Its in the people, and what the people say eats you alive inside. You just have to choose if you want to drink or not. I don't want to drink.


But I'm thirsty.

Butterfly Thoughts.

My hair is dull now
And my skin is pale
As night creeps down
And becomes my day
I lay awake
And contemplate
When I will finally
At last
Become a butterfly
Or struggle along
Alone
Suffering
In this chrysalis
Forever.

His lips are Strangers.

Does it kill you inside
To know I'm not
Her?
Like it kills me inside
To know you're not
Him?
To know we like to hug
And kiss
Eachother
And hold hands
But deep inside
There's nothing else.
Just emptiness
Longing.
Ignorance is bliss,
But what do you do
When the bliss runs out
Because ignorance
Is no longer an

Option?

Poem.

Do my eyes light up
When I talk to
You?
With that evanescent glow,
Of
Ignorance is bliss
Happiness?
Can you see
My soul
Filled with hope
Which I never believed in
Pour through my motions
The drippings of a waterfall
Magnificent
And joyous.
To be so full of hate
You Love.
To be so full of love
You Hate.
And once the waterfall runs dry
Do you see
The light start to
Fade

From my eyes?

Day two.

starting to feel like I'm stuck here.

Stage One of Starvation:

Pissed-Off Ness.