Sick?

I'm sick?

who knew?

Who knows?

How did I ever fall in love with you?

WHY did i ever fall in love with you?

Why all of a sudden
do i feel withdrawn from you?

Why do you think i'm sick?

Why does it make me feel sick?

Whats for the better
is for the worst.
What you thought would bring joy
only brings hurt.

You've changed.
You're numb.
You're cold.
You're sad.
And you're an
Ass.

Have I changed?

Happy Birthday.

Why work on your birthday?

When you're dad is
gone.
When you're mother is
leaving.
When your sister doesn't
Care.
When you're about to lose your
House.
When no one is
there.
When you're almost
homless.
And you're losing
hope.

You work even if its only
for 10 dollars.

Even if it is on your birthday.

Truth Be Told..

Called down to the office
panic in my throat.
What did i do?

hahhahaha
Relief fills me.
Suicide?
I'm so happy

theres no punishment.

But what the hell?
Anger
crushes me
Grinds my bones up
andeatsmealive.

How can you assume such a thing?
[how can they not?]
I'm here aren't I?
[in a sense]
Still Alive?
[barley]

But i leave the office
They trust me so
My smooth words,
and sly laughter
have tricked their minds

so they let it go.

As i close the door
relief should fill me
[anger even]
but i'm just a little sad
because through the lies
[anger, desperation, tears..]

There was truth.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So observe my wrist
read into my eyes
and notice my ribs
They're all in disguise.

The only things they'll prove
is that you're
falling
for my

Lies.

[Secrets]

I look at the old
wall postings
the old
messages.

A sick feeling churns
in the pit of my stomach.
A guilty,
jealous
monster.

I shouldn't be reading this
[no..]
But i deserve to know!

Dont I...?


I was used.
[you forgave him]
It still hurts.
[only when you look at the past]
He says he loves me
[he does]
You dont deserve him.
[thats a definite.]
He wants to be with me forever
[do you?]
I love him.
[you're lying.]
I know
[so why..?]
I dont know.
[you'll hurt him]
He'll be hurt either way.
[save him a day.]
I should.
[you wont]
I cant.
[you must]
I will.
[when?]

Not today.

(end of conversation.)

A Conclusion of Frustration.

Its snowing.

I walked along the breezy white
looked up to see the sun
but it was night.

The flakes of snow
drifted from the sky
Then i wondered why i'm here
and started to cry.

Taking a picture of the graceful
dancing
dandruff,
I plan to post it with a blog.

A mystery of the darkness

Fuck. I cant write worth shit.

This poem sucks and so does my life. Ever since i was little, i've wanted to be a writer, and photographer. But no, i cant write one fucking poem.

Anger rushes over me, into me
My desire to rip the paper to shreads
freaks into the pit of my stomach
and engulfs the emptiness of my incompetent being.

I am useless.

God Accepts the Willing.

Black
Skin.
White
room.

What is religion?
Dont we all have the
same belief in the end?

Hated because i'm different.
Hate it because i'm wanted
to be the same.

Not accepted
because of
one belief.

Different?
Does it always mean
Unworthy?

Am i really unworthy?

I've worked my whole life to be
respected.
Done my best to be the person
I am.

I shouldn't have to change.

I cant.

I wont.

Its like being black and
walking into a room of whites.
They dont even give a chance
to look past the color
before their eyes turn red
with Hatred.

Whats the point of escaping
to Freedom,

If no one accepts you?

There,
but not

Aknowledged.

Yearning.

I feel about ready to
burn
i feel about ready to
ache
i feel about ready to
cut my skin
wide open.

Nothing is going to get better.

Life here is hell. And its not just because of the temperature either.

The lonley i feel right now.
Its one of my lowliest lows.
I'm gliding on black glass
waiting for my life to crash
not wanting to live anymore.

I've been living life so numb.
the cold doesn't touch me
the heat doesn't burn.

I heal the sick.
But their sadness fills me
along with a yearn

For Happiness.

Sister Dearest.

My sister lives in a virtual world.
Spaced out
made up
pixel perfect
homepage life.

That shes created to escape her real one.

Hooked on
drugged on
drunk on
internet & texting.

Selfish her.
Burns her money up on
Getting drunk
Getting High
Getting laid.

While were here.
so poor,
we can barley afford the air we breathe.

my my.
Sister Selfish.
Mom trys to get her
to pay rent for living here.
But its free food.
Free internet.
Free housage.
All she has to pay for is her
cab
to come home drunk
and stoned.

She still manages to be broke.

And they think i'm the crazy one.

A while ago i wrote this.

She lies awake

snaps a photo

pictures great.



Sisters home

probably stoned.

knocks on the door

falls to the floor.d



Call for help

no ones home.

What do you do

when you're all

alone?



Ambulance comes

3:00am.

third time this month

time and again.

Mom comes home

from her hospital bed.



Sick

lying

crying

trying

hiding

that

shes

dying.
or maybe

Shes Dead.