Wednesday, September 19, 2012

All I have to Say-Letter Number 1

Should be Goodbye.

Should be the silent air.

I want it to suffocate you. But it won't.

You see Silvano, (and yes, I am addressing you directly here, because this is about you, isn't it? Its always been about you) there is one thing that puzzles me, and one thing that puzzles me ever so slightly and is really very commical when you think about it.

It was almost beautiful in the way you said it. 

The way you said you didn't care- "Why should I?" You said.
Haha but the funny thing is Mi Amour- Why should I?
You're the one who stopped loving me.
You're the one who doesn't care.
But I'm the one who stopped texting you.

And you're the one writing to me, about how you don't care?

None of my tweets were about you. None of my thoughts were about you. You had nothing to respond to. You just thought all that pain had come from you. You wanted it to come from you. Because then you would be in control. But you're "indifferent." You "Don't care". 

 And you very well don't. I doubt he's even reading this guys, I seriously doubt.

But there you were, writing to remind me about it. Why?

Why, if you really didn't care, not just go the fuck away and leave me alone?

You've always been rather selfish. And thats the way you like to be. If you are reading this, I can picture the smirk on your face. The indifference. The emotionless and the laugh of "I don't care"

Oh, I know all too well. You love to be emotionless. The asshole that always wins. Its great for you really, all your winning and success, and the people, Oh! How they fall in love with you!

But you just push them away because you're Silvano. Who needs feelings. I agree.

But I win.

You basically straight up told me when you said "And then, last year, I did [have feelings]" "And now its gone."

Because you don't have me anymore Silvano. You never did have me. But I have you. All of you, all wrapped up in a little ball tucked under my skin. And our emotionlessness is one nice giftwrapped basket from hell. You don't feel sure, but you succeed, and thrive and gain and win. 

You know, it is ironic, how disgustingly perfect we actually are for eachother. How cruel we both can be.

Because it doesn't matter if you don't care now. You did care.

I have that part of you.

You thought I was broken.

But I'm not.

And you are the one who's dead inside.

ha ha Silvano. Jokes on you.

I win.

And you know what the sad part of this whole thing is?

We both


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